Cutty Love

Cutty Love with the Rock

Cutty Love facing off with Wrestling Legend "The Rock" Dwayne Johnson.

Cutty Love the world's smoothest spokes model and former train model model explain love, life and PORTOPONG.


Check out more Cutty Love on Funny or Die or watch him on YouTube

Cutty Love Biography

Cutty Love first burst onto the scene as a pro dancer back in 1977. Cutty’s smooth moves and expensive taste in cheap women caught the attention of network executives. In 1982 Cutty was catapulted into the hearts and homes of millions, when he was offered the role of Chip Cartwright in the 1982 television sitcom “Who’s Walking Whom?” the heartwarming tale of an Ex-English Professor, who finds love and life after accepting a job as a personal dog walker for a wealthy family. The series was canceled after just three episodes, but Cutty quickly rebounded in his acclaimed film debut, playing “Electric Willy Starks,” a break dancing truck driver traveling the open road and serving suckers along the way. The film was aptly titled “Breaker-Breaker.” By 1986 Cutty had amassed an army of lady-friends and one of the finest mustaches in Hollywood, grabbing the cover of “Stach Illustrated” a record nine times.

Tired of the limelight, Cutty made the decision to drop out of the public eye and follow his leisure pursuits of spelunking, model train modeling, and inventing a new way of playing beer pong anywhere, on anything (well, he didn’t actually invent PORTOPONG, but he’s so smooth who could argue?)

Wanna be as smooth as Cutty? It’s not likely, but snag a PORTOPONG for your next outing and at least you’ll be on your way to one stash-tastically epic time.


Cutty Love - Smoothest Spokesmodel alive!

"If you’re like me, you’re into fast cars, fast women and fast acting ointments. But you’re not me, luckily I am."

"I may play a handsome man on TV, but I’m also handsome in real life."

"The world’s #1 model train model. And inventor of PORTOPONG."

"PORTOPONG keeps your beer in the cup, not on the floor."

"I’m so confident you’ll love PORTOPONG, I’ll shave off my moustache if you don’t. Psych."

"With PORTOPONG you can play anywhere, on anything. From the mountains, to the prairies, to the Jacuzzis white with foam."

"Buy a PORTOPONG in the next 10 minutes, and I’ll throw in a fresh bag of my moustache clippings."

"My moustache smells like chestnuts and cedar, now that’s the smell of success."

"PORTOPONG can turn even the worst party into something a little more titillating."

"PORTOPONG is constructed from only the finest durable vinyl drachma can buy, that’s Greek for money."

"I’m not just a player. I’m the inventor."

"Order now and I’ll throw in my signature edition mustache comb."

"Ever wonder what a two-horned unicorn might be called?"

"I’m Cutty Love, and I’m a no-nonsense type cat."

"You’ll love PORTOPONG, trust me, I’m too good looking to lie."